A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a post about transitioning into my role as a mother and how I felt about new changes looming in the future. I read all the comments with great interest and appreciated everyone's view of the issue. I read and cherish all your comments and they mean the world to me. The most rewarding part of blogging is when one of you takes the time to comment and share her feelings.
But one comment struck a cord. Valarie and I connected very early on in my blogging journey. We had so much in common : personal interests, family history...That is one of my favorite aspects of blogging, meeting amazing people I would never had a chance to encounter otherwise.
Here's her comment on my post:
"Congratulations on your little man getting ready to start school. It does happen fast doesn't it? Three years is nothing, I know. I had a rough time transitioning from working to full-time mom but I'm so glad I did.
For the longest time I wanted to return to the life pre-kids and then something happened and that was the discovery that I'm not what I do but who the essence of me is. It was a great discovery because I realized I take me everywhere, whether to work or at home with the kids. Then I discovered that there was even more to unearth and discover about who I am and I made this my life quest to discover who I am.
This has brought me to working successfully from home and creating businesses that support my maternal habit as well.
The other thing I had to let go of was the arrival. That somehow I would just arrive someday a finished,complete,happy, and of course perfect product. The journey is so much better than arriving. I wrestled with all of these ideas for the longest time and then when I came to these thoughts it felt like freedom.
Thinking of you and your sweet family Imene."
I read this and I wanted to know more. I wanted her to share her journey with me, with us all. And so here's her post today. Thank you so much Valarie!!
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It was such a great surprise to have a lovely email from Imene in my inbox. I had written a response to one of her posts about the transition between my working self and my maternal self. Would you be willing to tell me a little more about it? She asked. Happily I agreed.
From the very first time I read Imene’s blog, I felt an immediate connection. She is going through many of the things I’ve gone through. A variety of cultures, places to live in, and world wide travel to visit family and friends. We also share many loves in common, such as: photography, knitting, reading, cooking, and loving our little families.
Before I became a wife and mother, I had spent a lifetime playing the piano and working up the rungs of success. My career allowed me to travel the world, teach, play, compose, and share what I loved most,….music.
That was until the most handsome man in the world sat next to me in the French course I was taking in Switzerland. A year and a half later I married him and our life together as a global family started. He was from Lebanon and spoke Arabic. I was from the US, born into a Swedish family, and spoke Swedish. Together we would have to find a way to balance different families in different places.
A year after we were married we welcomed our first child Zaina, three years after that ,Miriam and then 7 years after that Mr. Omar. While my girls were little I was constantly frustrated. Not because I was the mother of two small children but because I was having a hard time finding me in them. No longer was I able to practice piano 4 hours at a time. Without practice there is no way I could perform. So that left teaching music. A job I whole heartedly love. There was, however, this large inkling in my mind that I had given up everything I had worked for to have a family. “I didn’t know that was the price.” I would think to myself.
In between episodes of negative thinking, were many joyous moments of learning Arabic along with my children, traveling to Lebanon every summer to be with family, and to Oregon to be in my Swedish community there. Our children were being raised “global citizens”. There were new foods to eat, new culture to embrace, visiting relatives, and the happiness that comes with a growing family. Still in the back of mind was that nagging question, “What did I give up?” I really miss me.
About a year before Omar was born, I was washing my morning dishes and the idea hit my brain like a freight train, YOU ARE NOT WHAT YOU DO. It was the largest epiphany that I had ever had in my life. So now the question changed, “If I’m not what I do, then what am I? Who am I?” It is there, at that moment ,the journey began.
For the last 11 years I have been the observer in my life. Ever curious as to what I like and don’t like. Becoming aware not to define myself but to experience and discover myself. I’ve realized that I am ever evolving. By acknowledging that I’m not what I do, I’ve left the door wide open to be so much more than the definition my career would allow me. I guess if I had to sum it up into a couple of words they would be “A renaissance woman”. I realized that I take “Me” everywhere, which is so much broader than being “the pianist”. I can embrace many ideas, tasks, and talents to make a created beautiful life.
Once I got past the “You are not what you do” idea, there was the next learning opportunity waiting happily in my closet which is the idea that “One day I will happily arrive and of course be totally perfect.” My mind would immediately respond with “where are you arriving at?” This was a very wise question. This took me down the path to further questions which I ask myself almost daily:
• What am I thankful for?
• What makes me happy?
• What do I feel like creating today?
• Who will I share that with?
• If there is something which doesn’t make me happy, how can I change it? How can I shift my perception about this situation?
• What learning opportunities have I had today and what have I learned?
These questions keep me in a constant state of discovery. The sharing has come oftentimes with my children and family. The most wonderful and incredible memories have been made. Those two cute little girls above are now young women. The greatest gift I’ve been able to give them is to share my journey and insights with them. They are not going off to college thinking they must “have a career” but “what inspires me?” “ How can I create a life I love living?” and the most important question out there “Who am I? “what can I discover about myself today?”
The good news is there is “no arrival!” I don’t have to be perfect or happy, just on my journey. From those first nagging questions about motherhood and career, have evolved into creating a variety of businesses that reflect my ever evolving self.
If I had chosen to spend a lifetime filled with regret for not having the “career” of my dreams, I might never have discovered me and more importantly, I would never have been able to share these insights with the most precious people ever, my children.
Thank you dear Imene for letting me share my thoughts here with you and the blogging friends. It is a huge honor.
