A Journey to a Simple Happy Life

Simple Living: Keeping eating simple

 

A couple of days ago I had a conversation with one of my friends about food. How did simple living apply to the kitchen, how did I choose ingredients and recipes. Honestly I don't think I ever thought about it before that. While talking about our food choices and what books/recipes I use a common thread emerged.

Michael Pollan sums up our philosophy about food : "Eat food. Mostly Plants. Not too much"

Why has eating become so confusing? Eating satisfies one of our primary needs just as breathing and sleeping. Why is it that it has become such a cause of concern? I believe that the large amount of choices available to us and the emergence of so many “food experts” are at the heart of this confusion.

Eat carbs, Don't eat carbs, ban red meat, no dairies, no sugar... Trends come and go and it becomes very confusing to know what is good for our health. I am not speaking of the restrictive diets imposed by a doctor, some conditions call for a restrictive diet but for most of us I believe the key word is portion control.

While living in Paris, I used to wonder how my friends ate the way they did and never put on weight. I am talking about eating butter, cream, chocolate and all sorts of pastry. Well they were careful about portion control, no processed foods and had a diversified diet. This article calls it the French paradox.

So how to simplify eating?

• Planning: I have a basic meal plan for every week (Soup, vegetarian, chicken, fish,red meat, ethnic and left-over night). I look for recipes, take stock of my pantry and make a shopping list. I'm not a big fan of grocery stores so I try to plan for two weeks worth of meals. I only go again if we need milk, eggs or produce but that's a quick trip. I found it to be an excellent way to eat better and spend less.
  
• Shopping: Simply by eating real food. Real foods are in, or very close, to their natural state. Foods grows and dies, it is not created in a factory. Food doesn’t need an ingredient label. Food doesn’t make health statements. Food rots, if it stays on a shelf for months on end it is not food. This simplifies tremendously your shopping.
• Cooking: I find the term  “cooking from scratch” or calling this a cooking show hilarious. I never knew of any other way to cook than from scratch. Cooking doesn’t need to take hours nor require expert talents. We can all cook if we concentrate on using simple and tasty recipes. I learned cooking by watching my mom and grandma cooking. The fun of learning to eat right is getting in the kitchen and seeing what new flavor combinations work. My family can tell you about some crazy recipes I tried growing up, well they survived and my fear subsided.
• Recipes: My cooking books collection is not very large. My favorites are a traditional Algerian cooking book my mom gave me years ago, Everyday Food (I love that it is organized by season), The Art of Simple Food (Basic fool proof recipes and tips for organizing your kitchen and pantry), Love Soups  and my latest purchase Feeding the Whole Family. On my wish list I have these two titles. I try to keep my collection to a minimum and borrow many titles from the library. I sometimes go here and here to find inspiration.
• Tools: I used to believe that buying the right kind of kitchen equipment would make me a good cook. Once I started down the path of simplification and de-cluttering, a necessary stop was my kitchen cupboards. Not that I had a lot of things but still I thought too many utensils were there and hardly ever used. I put most of them in a box and stored it in the basement. After a while and noticing that I never went looking for tools,I donated it to the goodwill store. Once I read this, I was able to reduce even more.
  

As in all other areas of our lives, simplifying our eating comes with reclaiming our rights to eat simple, healthy and in reasonable quantities.

Friendship

_{Photo by __Olga__}

This post was one of the hardest to write ever since I started this blog. I have thought of this blog as a space for creativity, sharing, a sunny stop in my day. I thought it would always be talks about my crafts, the happiness of raising little human beings. If my mood was not cheerful I usually stayed away from the blog, who wants to read about my foul mood or hear someone else's problems.

So I decided that It was best if I stayed silent for a couple of days. But then I remembered my blog title A Journey. A journey is a long path towards one’s goals, sometimes you make leaps forward and sometimes the process is more difficult. So if I wanted to stay true to you and myself, I had to share the good and bad.

Something has been on my mind often lately. What defines friendship? Who are my true friends? How do I recognize someone I could be friends with? What keeps a friendship alive and thriving. How many friends does one really need?

Ancient philosophers and scientists agree that strong social ties are key to happiness. We need close, long term relationships, we need to be able to confide to others, we need to belong, we need to give and get support. They also agree that if we have five or more friends with whom to discuss an important matter, the more we are susceptible to describe ourselves as “happy”.

Recent events in my life have led me to look closely to people around me. People I spent time with and invested in emotionally. Were they really friends or acquaintances? Did I really put the time and effort needed to create a bond and maintain a friendship. Or was I wasting my time on a one way relationship. Before I could answer that question, I had to make sure I knew what friendship truly meant.

I talked to my husband, best friends and sister and decided to broaden my search. So I posted on Facebook and Twitter this question: " What defines friendship?". I thought it would be interesting to know what other people thought about friendship. Some sort of random polling . I got a lot of responses witty, funny, serious but they all had these words in common:

• Loyalty
• Companionship
• Trust
• Acceptance
• Lots of Laughter

Different people with different backgrounds, faiths, languages and origins agreed on the definition of friendship. Yes, friendship is about loyalty and companionship, it’s about giving without expecting anything back. It’s knowing you can be yourself and not fear judgment. It’s about trusting the other and expecting him to trust you. And it’s also about being able to laugh together and about each other. So did I have those five or plus people in my life?

I am happy to say yes I do. The only problem is that they’re not all at the same place. This was meant to happen if you’re born somewhere, study elsewhere and end up living in a third place like I did. If you're lucky enough to live around people you grew up with then I guess answering this question is easy. Your friends are those that stayed with you along the way, they've seen you through hardships and fun moments. They know funny stories and even embarrassing ones about you. You're friendship stood the test of time.

I have two childhood friends M. and L. that are living in Algeria and happily married to each other. Our relationship has such an ease to it that even if we don’t see each other very often, when we do it’s like picking up a conversation that was interrupted just a moment before. They know me, really know me. They’ve seen me at my best and at my worst. I can discuss my fears and concerns with them and they never hesitate to give me a reality check if I need one. But distance and having 5 children between the three of us makes it sometimes hard to stay in touch. But knowing they’re there means the world to me.

I have a very dear friend E. in France. Our friendship is younger but it makes up in strength what it lacks in age. But all the ingredients are there to make it a true relationship. The ease, the trust…For now we are very busy raising 6 children between the two of us but we know time will come when we will be more available.

And in my present life in the US? I know I have two friends I can count on. People I laugh with (a lot), that I trust, that voice their opinion but never judge me. It’s a budding relationship but I intent on fostering it.

But is it all I need? Do we only need intimate friends to thrive and be happy? I don’t believe so. I have all sorts of other friends: intimate friends, casual friends, childhood friends,knitting friends and online friends that I have never met face to face ... These friendships are not of equal importance to me but they do add warmth and color to my life.

The key to finding happiness in those friendships is to set the right expectations. And I am guilty of not being very good at it. I often expect a lot from others, I expect of them what I myself am ready to put in the relationship. I was guilty of trying too hard even with people who were not worth it. I sometimes neglect my friends by not calling or writing often enough.

One of the hardest steps in making a decision about the boys school, and the one I am still struggling with, was to accept that it was going to reveal a lot about people around me. It was going to be a test of trust, loyalty and my position in a large group of people I thought I was part of. It made me overcome the last bits of my high school fears. The fear of not being liked, of not being popular.

I made my peace with that because I have decided that it was more important to live according to my values and principles (truthfulness, honesty) than it is to be popular or to fit in. The good news is that my true friends are still here and they support me.

One small change

Suzy @Hip Mountain Mama has launched a challenge to make one small change a month and blog about it. I read about this challenge a while ago and devised a plan but never got to blog about it. The plan is to make one small environmental change between now and Earth Day and blog about it each month.

I have become interested in environmental issues after becoming a mother. I knew our way of living as a civilization was not sustainable but I  was just too busy with the hustle and bustle of grad school, first job, getting married and working to really make any significant change in my life. I was just burying my hand in the sand because I was scared.

My friend Carol was the first one to introduce me to “green movement”. She had suffered a cancer very early on in her life and by researching about her cancer, realized the impact of toxic exposure on our lives and health.  I started eating organic, using natural personal care and cleaning products…

But the real wake up call came when we watched Al Gore’s movie and then it clicked. I realized that deep down I used to think that my small changes wouldn’t really make a difference. I was waiting for someone, somewhere to come up with a solution. And I was so wrong about that, the solution was in us. We had to be the agent of change if we want our children to be able to enjoy clean water and nature. Everything we take for granted.

My first urge was to change everything right away. I made a list and an action plan and I got overwhelmed. It was a humongous project and the cost was really big. Nothing we could afford in one time. Plus it was hard to be consistent with so many changes and new ways to doing things.

So over the past 4 years we made small changes one at a time:

• Recycled
• Turned off the lights when we left a room
• Turned the thermostat down
• Took my own bags to the store
• Installed a low flow shower head
• Used freecycle to get rid of things we didn’t need
• Bought organic and local foods
• Stopped watering the lawn
• Clean with natural products
• Use natural cleaning products. I tried making my own but Salim hated the smell of vinegar. He complained about living in a pickle jar ;o)
• Used rags for cleaning.
• Used reusable lunch sacks.
• Put a brick in the toilet’s water tank
• Unplugged chargers when not in use
• Totally switch off electronic devices when not in use
• Started using cloth napkins

and the list goes on. Some of the changes were easy to implement and Salim was very helpful with them. Think of it anything technical was easy to change: the flower heads, changing the thermostat, unplugging electronics… Others took a lot of stubbornness on my part to win the argument. The personal care products was my toughest challenge, Salim missed the “good smell”, it took a lot of testing and some very funny moments to finally make the change.

It’s not that Salim didn’t understand the need for change but he was reluctant to change. He didn’t mind it as long as it didn’t mean too much change. Laundry had to still small flowery and his shampoo had to make suds.

I failed at other initiatives like cloth diapering because my husband thought it was just too hard and I was guilty of not really pushing it. And others are still on my list. So I was thrilled when I read Suzy’s post about One Small Change.

We stopped using plastic water bottles a while ago but I was still buying them once in awhile. We were out, my water bottle was empty or I forgot to take one…My small change in January was to stop buying plastic bottles. No more bottled water for us and when it comes to other beverages we decided to choose glass over plastic.

Why? it leaches chemicals, it uses a lot of energy and resources to produce and ship around the world. There are no real supervision of the quality of the bottled water.Most often it is just filtered tap water. So I choose to use a reusable bottle and fill it with my filtered tap. I will not be part of the commercialization of a vital resource.

If you have any doubts, watch the movie Tapped. Here’s the trailer.

So what is your small change?

Birthday Party

 

Yes I did it!! I baked the cake and it was actually pretty good…well a bit lopsided, Salim nicknamed it the Pisa tower but I was really happy it worked out fine.

It didn’t come without some frustration and a bit of swearing but I am proud that Samy got his wish that Mama makes his birthday cake. I used this simple recipe with this frosting and fresh strawberries in between. So much for buying in season fruits and veggies but the birthday boy insisted.

The home baking was one of the steps I decided to take to make a simple birthday party. At home, surrounded with friends, entertained by me (until Papa has fully mastered his magic tricks). I had a ton of ideas fueled by this book and this one. But decided against implementing everything at once to avoid mommy burnout. I am well known for starting huge projects and finishing them with frayed nerves and exhausted. So this time I am taking it one step at a time.

We also used a birthday ring for the first time. We lit up the candles and explained the symbolism of each decoration and then sang happy birthday. I plan on writing a story to incorporate in our next celebrations.

 

Another new tradition is the birthday crown. I wanted to make one ever since I saw it on Soulemama’s blog. I used wool felt that I bought here. I didn’t know the difference between the wool felt and the polyester stuff but you need only to hold in your hands to know it is worth the money. It is so soft and the colors are so beautiful.

I downloaded the pattern from Skip to My Lou but mainly followed the step by step instructions of Nicole at Frontier Dreams.

Here’s about the details of the birthday making. For the rest the children enjoyed playing a pin-the-tail on the donkey game, red light-green light and most of all the bouncy house. We bought a bouncy house 2 years ago and it has become one of our favorite games if the weather gets really bad and the boys need to burn some energy.

These past weeks have been fun between Christmas, the New Year and Samy’s birthday but I am looking forward to a return to our normal rhythm and a day without deadlines.

Rhythm of the Home

I was supposed to be sewing stockings tonight but instead I've been admiring Rhythm of the Home. I was so excited when Heather announced the launch of her new online magazine that I couldn't resist talking about it.

Heather is one of those people you seldom meet but when you do you want to be their friends. I started reading her blog, then got to know her better through the Vintage Swaps she organized. I have never met such a generous and gentle soul. Although we're blog-buddies or bloggies (did I just invent a word?), I can't wait to meet her in person. Who knows???

And guess who is contributing too, another of my friends Valarie. She is another talented person, she could make an ignorant love books. Seriously!  She cooks well and reads good books a girl after my own heart. I have a special connection to Valarie because she understands the challenges of raising a multi-cultural family.

So back to Rhythm of the home, it's a free quarterly magazine based on the seasonal rhythms of Montessori and Waldorf philosophies . It is a space for parents, artists, educators, writers and photographers to share ideas, projects and recipes to enhance each of the seasons.

I was already familiar with the Montessori philosophy and started  reading a lot lately about Waldorf education. I am in the process of changing things around here, in small incremental steps I feel like I am connecting the dots in my life and I couldn't be happier to welcome this new magazine.

Enough talk, head over there and enjoy!!

Living simply with children: Extracurricular activities

Salim has been very supportive of my decision to lead a simple life. For me it’s a matter of choice and the result of a decision but to him it’s natural. Before we lived together his apartment was a paramount of minimalism and his life pretty simple. I was the clutter factor ;o) He’s been on board with my decisions to de-clutter the house, reduce the amount of toys and pretty much all my endeavors on the subject. But for a little while now we keep going back to the same conversation: How much activities should the kids be enrolled in?

The actual trend , at least where we live, is to enroll children in gym, music, ballet, horseback riding…  I understand the motivation of the parents, they believe that they are giving their children an advantage. In a society that equates success with “more”. More activities equates a more successful child. To the point that psychologists are sounding the alarm and warning us of the risks inherent to the overscheduled child.

I was not always so reluctant to enroll Samy in those activities. We started with the swim lessons, then the music together and we even gave the Mommy and Me gym a try. A very short lived one. I took a trial class and realized that it was a lot of money just to let children run and jump in a gym. I thought he could do the same in the park for free. I know I’m a little stingy.

We still take the swimming lessons. The boys and now Layla love it and it’s their special time with Papa. But for the rest I’m not a big fan of shuttling kids in my minivan from an activity to the other.

But Samy will soon be in school and if he chooses to be part of any sports team. That means two practices a week and a game during the weekend. And here’s where our disagreement comes from. He believes it’s the way to go and I think it’s too much for a little one. It means 2 nights a week where we can’t have a family dinner. And then the equation becomes more complicated as the number of children or activities grows.

I still struggle with my decision.What is the right decision? Am I giving my children a chance to succeed? In our modern society of “More is better” more activities certainly sounds better. But are we harming our children the same way we harm the environment by always wanting more?  So how much is enough? What is the balance between family life, self development, creativity  and extracurricular activities?

For now I don’t have many answers? Just questions. I would love to hear from you.