Today was a big day for us. Samy had his orientation day in school. I had talked to him about it for days, how he would meet his new teacher, visit his new school and ride on the bus. I was a bit concerned that it would be difficult for him to accept yet another change in school.
He woke up very excited and asked me if he was tall enough for the new school. Got dressed without me prompting him and even insisted on wearing a long sleeve shirt. His father managed to convince him that short sleeves were good enough but lost the argument for the pants (corduroy in a 90 degrees weather!).
He was happy, excited, couldn't stand still. And when a 5th grader took him on the school tour he just left us there. I was happy for him, I was proud that he felt confident enough to walk away from us towards new adventures but mostly I was sad.
Part of me ached for my baby, I was not ready to transition into this new role. I remembered vividly a similar scene thirty years ago: Me in my brand new outfit, walking into the school and leaving my mom behind me in tears. I never really understood why she cried until today.
Since his birth so much of my identity has been defined by my role as a mother. Being home with him, taking care of him 24/7. Now we are on the verge of a new adventure and I am not sure how to ease into this new role.
In three years all of my children will be in school and what becomes of me. My husband says that three years is a lifetime but 5 years have already passed in the blink of an eye. Do I go back to work? Full-time or Part-time? Do I stay home? I know what I don't want. I won't go back to my former job, I know I won't be able to work the endless hours, attend the late meetings or go away for business trips. That part of my life is over. But what other options do I have?
It took me such a long time to transition from work to stay-at-home mom. It didn't happen overnight and it sure didn't happen gracefully. My whole life I defined myself by my studies, work and achievements and suddenly I had to be someone else. I had to accept the loss of my work-self, the loss efficiency and achievement, the loss of sleep, the loss of free time, the loss of solitude...all the things you have to do without/or with so little when you're the mother of young ones. And I gained so much more: patience, love, respect,a license to be creative,a spiritual life, a life guided by values and not money or status...and above all three wonderful children. So maybe change is good after all.
As I was telling you today was a big day...for all of us!
I would love to hear about your experiences too, how did you transition from working to being home? or maybe going back to work after you had a child? How did you feel about your child going to school?
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After posting, I read this on Heather's blog. This woman must have some sixth sense!! she always manages to write about the right subject when I need it. Thanks Heather and Sheryl!